Drafting Guys over 60
New strategy for any war .... send servicemen over 60!
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.
They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep. I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient, so letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Sometimes we don't even sleep for a couple of days. So, since I'm tired and can't sleep and am already up, I might as well be out shooting some fanatical SOB.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because most of us old timers have a serious case of C.R.S. anyway. Even name, rank, and serial number could be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at in our homes anyway, and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course though. I've been in combat, and didn't see a single 20 foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. Actually, the running part is a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave and to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim on it in order to shade his eyes, not to shade the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward pig terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
If nothing else, put us on Border Patrol. We'll have our border secured the first night!
Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so they can read it.
Cheers. |
