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kimmy
Moderator
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# Posted: 31 Jul 2008 00:50
Reply
The following questions and answers were collected from last year's
GCSE exam results in Swindon, Wiltshire. They are genuine responses (from 16
year olds)
Geography.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed.
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans.
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon because there is no water on the Moon and
Nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on.
A: If you are buying a house they will insist you are well endowed.
Q: In a democratic society how important are elections.
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q: What are steroids.
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Biology.
Q: What happens to your body as you age.
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty.
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: What is artificial insemination.
A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour.
A: Keep it in the cow (He got an A)
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised. (e.g abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts- the brainium, the borax, the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,
A,E,I,O,U.
Q: What is the Fibula.
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean.
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control.
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section".
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure.
A: A Roman Emperor.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature.
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
umbrellas.
English.
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean.
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
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CMwonka
Moderator
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# Posted: 31 Jul 2008 00:52
Reply
lol lol lol
very good mrs, very good indeed
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papabear2000
Member
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# Posted: 31 Jul 2008 02:03
Reply
lmao very very funny
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kimmy
Moderator
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# Posted: 31 Jul 2008 06:27
Reply
It makes you wonder what they do actually learn at school lmao
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neutron
Member
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# Posted: 31 Jul 2008 09:23
Reply
!!!!!!! i dont belive this !!!!!!!!
and it is not funny at all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
glad to have been born in my country
and proud of the school system
i have learnt the things that i needed to know
and many others i didn't needed to know (at that time)
but now i realise nothing was without purpose
dont want to offend anyone but i think
i know more bout UK than many of u there
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hovis
Member
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# Posted: 31 Jul 2008 09:33
Reply
Neutron buddy it is a reflection on life, every country has kids like that, we are the same. the difference m8, we as a nation laugh at ourselves and not the stiff upper lip we are portrayed. But in your defence you are a bright and educated lad.........wish I was! But not all are lol
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neutron
Member
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# Posted: 31 Jul 2008 09:51 - Edited by: neutron
Reply
lol hovis
u r very bright lad
as i have realised in this short time knowing u
and i think off u all the same
dont be so self critical m8
the thing now happening in my country
is that they are trying to apply the school systems
from "western" worlds and i hope it does not happen
if anyone have watched ZEITGEIST
u will know what i am trying to say
quote:
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour.
A: Keep it in the cow (He got an A)
and this is even more concerning!!!
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hovis
Member
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# Posted: 31 Jul 2008 09:59
Reply
I am aware of the current curriculum and changes being made. But the basics of education are forced on us by the far (or should I say short) sighted members of our education euro committees and the idealistic "keep my job and warrant my being" sighted policies for change. In my day it would have been "If it ain't broke and you can spell it, then write it" but that's life. The poker site is the same........It works don't change it.
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Bobbybuttmunch
Member
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# Posted: 31 Jul 2008 10:21
Reply
Well I did have a good laugh but now i'm all depressed.
Lol
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neutron
Member
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# Posted: 31 Jul 2008 10:27
Reply
lol bobby
u made me laugh now
haha
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craigd
Member
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# Posted: 31 Jul 2008 10:30
Reply
oh come on none of those can be true in the school i went too i dont believe any of the pupils would put something as stupid as that as for the guy that said leave in cow and got an A i dont think thats true i think someones pulling ur leg there kimmy
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hovis
Member
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# Posted: 31 Jul 2008 10:57 - Edited by: hovis
Reply
No its true. The guy who got an "A" probably had a superb paper? But thing about context and probabilities of answers! If milk stayed in a cow would it go off? The answer is no until it was delivered. Think about it. Lmao bobby hahaha
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