shaunieboy
Member
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# Posted: 24 Oct 2008 10:37
Reply
Newfie blonde
An attractive blonde from Newfoundland arrived at the casino and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.'
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed 'YES, YES, I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Newfies are stupid; not all blondes are dumb; but all men are men!!
Duties of Wives!
> >
> > Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had
> > Given their new wives duties.
> >
> > Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he
> > had told his wife she needed to do all the dishes and housework.
> > He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came
> > home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
> >
> > Jimmie had married a woman from Canada. He bragged that he had
> > given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and
> > the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results,
> > but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean,
> > the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
> >
> > The third man had married a English girl. He boasted that he told her
> > that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,
> > laundry and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned
> > and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he
> > didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the
> > third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little
> > out of his left eye, just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the
> > dishwasher, and call a handyman.
> >
> >
> > God Bless English Women
--- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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cocochanelle
Member
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# Posted: 26 Oct 2008 11:10
Reply
The Day the Penis asked for a Raise
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulation s, such as wearing the
Correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
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