How Do you Make A Door Laugh?





Tickle Its Nob

An ugly oldish man walks into a bar with a big grin on his face

The barman asks, "what're you so happy about?"

The Man Replies, "I was walking home by the railway last night when i found a woman tied to the tracks, in the nick of time i cut her free."

"We made love all night, her way of thanking me i guess, we did doggy, missionary, chinese, lots of positions it was great! She even let me do her in the bum!" Exclaimed the man.

"Wow", the barman replied, "did u get a blowjob?"

"Nah", cursed the man, "I couldnt find her head.."

Sorry bout tht last one thts horrible!

What's the difference between erotic and kinky?




Erotic is when you use a feather, kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

DarkStranger

no, that is the difference between kinky and pervert.

I got a great set of golf clubs for the wife the other day.






It was the best swap i have ever made.

a professor was teaching a class on anatomy noticeing the stundents look bored he ask a very attractive female student if she knowed what her as hole was doing when she was having a orgasm and she said yes he is deer hunting with his buddys

a guy goes to the tanning bed stays to long a burns his member he is telling a buddy about it and his buddy saya to soak it in a glass of milk at that time his blond wife comes home walks in and catches him she looks at him and says oh thats how you reload that

A guy walks into the psychiatrists office and says, Doc you gotta help me. Doctor says, It's clear that you are a kleptomaniac. Guy looks at the doctor and says, Is there anything I can take?

Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says: 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

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I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him £50 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said: 'No, the steaks are too high.'

Woman goes into the plastic surgeon for the first time. Says she wants a facelift. Doctor says we have a new technique. We install a small knob on the back of your head under your hair. If you see your face lines showing up again, just give it a twist to tighten things up. Wonderful says the woman and gets the knob installed. About a year later, doctor sees the woman in the station and asks her how she likes her new look. Woman says the wrinkle free part is great, but, i cant figure out why i have a goatee now.

a big dirty farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says this is the pig i av to **** when ur not up for sex his wife says i think you will find thats a sheep. he says i think you,ll find i was talking to the sheep

nun goes to see mother superior
mother the nun says i have a problem im pregnant
mother superior say your pregnant what happened
nun says bennidicktus

lmao

why did god create women cos sheep cant cook



scotsman in court the judges say and why r u here the scotsman say making love to a cat the judge says court dismissed the prosecute says whys this then the judge say cos I have never known any scotsman to put anything in a kitty




how many fish can u find on a womans body i count five 2 soles 2 eels and a wet place.





Teacher "Johnny give me a sentance with contagus in it" little johnny thinks for a while and says to the teacher "miss my next door neighbour was painting his fence with a toothbrush i said to dad it will take that c##t ages to paint that

a blond driving down the motorway when suddenly her car breaks down so she takes it to a garage for inspection, after a while the mechanic see her and tell her, her car is fixed she asks what was wrong with it the mechanic tell her just sh@t in the air ducts so she replies how many times a week do I have to do that then

we feel bad for you 1 to 3 but this isnt the place to be to reflect on a family member.we are behind you matey

joke

two eggs boiling in a pan,one said to the other,look at my crack,the other replied dont tease me im not hard yet.

lmfao

a pikey girl writes to a proplem page. dear anna im 13 years old and still a virgin..........do u think my brothers are gay?

whats the diffrence between a slapper and a bowling ball?
nothing....they both get picked up fingered then banged down an alley

I feel sorry for the mrs now got home 2 nite and she was sat there crying she said to me console me so I hit her with the xbox

lmao over these

a clean one two packets of chrisps going down the road when a car pulls over and asks do you two want a lift, they reply no thanks were walkers

due to the credit crunch im now shopping at cheaper shopping outlets. Have you tried the Korean meat balls from LIDL? im telling you there the dogs bollox


a man approaches a young woman in a shopping mall " Excuse me" he says. " i cant seem to find my wife, can I talk to for a few minutes? the woman feeling compassion says sure but dont you have any idea were she might be? "I dont have a clue he says but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours she usually appears out of fk in nowhere!!!!!!!

Hillbilly/Redneck Code of Honor,

Get Honor, Stay Honor, if you can't c*me inner.. C*me Honor!!!!

so funny but blades "pikey" go me laughing.

Old couple sat in church. During service wife whispers ''I just done a silent fart , what should i do ?'' . Hubby says '' put a f***** battery in your hearing aid''

A new Middle East crisis erupted last nite as Dubai TV refused to broadcast The Flintstones. A spokesman said Dubai people wont understand the humour, but those in Abu Dhabi Do

man in a pub bought a talking centerpede for 5k,took him home and the next day on his return from work looked down at this box with the talking centepede and shouted you coming for i pint,to which there was no reply ,the man started to think he'd been conned,just before leaving he shouted again,u want a pint or not ........then came the reply i heard you the first time i was putting my f.....g boots on