Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the words,
defeat,deduct,defense and detail.

Little Johnny say's," de feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail"

Guy walks into the doctors office. Says Doc you gotta help me. Doc says Whats the matter? Guy says My penis is turning orange. Doc says Oh my god, what were you doing? Guy says Nothing, i was watching porn and eating cheese puffs.

lol swampy, you already learned one Dutch article: "de". Well done, mate! Next class: "het".

i´LL TRY THIS IN ENGLISH.

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit,
So he asks the biker his name.

"Fred," he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker
a break and write him out a warning instead
*instead of a ticket. The officer
then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to
have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along
with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

* The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born
Fred Dingaling. I know - a funny last name. The kids used to tease me
all the time, so I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades.

*When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went
through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally
got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

*"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to
school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my
degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS

*. Got bored doing
dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave
me VD, so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.

* &nbsp ; "Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then
I was Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the
ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD
leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my
Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred."

* The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

oh 2 funny

Knock Knock

nobody's home

Lmao Swamp, boy...........

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."


The man says, "Yes, it is."


Boy: "I have a baseball."


Man: "That's nice"


Boy: "Want to buy it?"


Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My Dad's outside.."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250"


In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."


The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy: "$750"

Man: "Sold."

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy: "$1,000

The Dad says, "That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession."

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again; you're in my closet now."

Computer trouble!

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11-year
old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to
come over.

Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID
Ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?''

No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like the little sh-t.

edit by ch75

ouch............too funny

lucky you didnt have to pay him

lol

Here´s one from Irish Sue

Three little ducks go into a Bar......


"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What
else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi,
and what's your name?"

"
*"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day
myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"

"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.

"My name is Puddles."

lol