A man came home from a poker game late one night and found his hideous harpy of a wife waiting for him with a rolling pin. "Where the hell have you been?" she asked.

"You'll have to pack all your things, dear," he ad-libbed. "I've just lost you in a card game."

"How did you manage to do that?"

"It wasn't easy, honest. I had to fold with a royal flush."

That's like the 5th time that jokes been told on here and it gets worse everytime lmao sorry Hun

i hope this one makes u LOL senor blade ;)



Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be
married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work.

They decided to spice up their love lives and surprise their men by
engaging in some S&M role playing.

The following week they met up again to compare notes.

The single girl said,
I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a long coat.
When everyone had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a
leather
bodice, black stockings and stilettos.
We made passionate love on his desk right then and there!'

The engaged woman said,
'When my fiancé got home, he found me waiting for him in a black
mask,
leather bodice, black hose and high heels.
We made passionate love all night and he wants to move up our wedding
date!'

The married woman put her glass down and said,
'I did a lot of planning.
The kids stayed over at my Mom's, I took a long scented-oil bath and
put on
my best perfume.
I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black
stockings
and six-inch stilettos.
I finished it off with a black mask.

When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote,
sat
down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?''

LOL

The youngest son asked his father: Daddy, what is the difference
between 'potentially' and 'reality"
Dad: I will show you.
Dad turned to his wife and asked: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for
1 million dollars?"
Wife: Yes. I would never waste such an opportunity to become a
millionaire.
Then dad turned to his daughter: Would you sleep with Will Smith for 2
million dollars?
Daughter: Yes. That is my fantasy.
Dad turned to his son: Would you sleep with Denzel Washington for 1
million dollars?
Son: Yes. Imagine what I would do with 1 million.
Dad to his youngest son: You see "potentially' we are sitting on 4
million.
But in "reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay. See what
money does, it exposes people to what they really are.

lol
here is one
there was a new married couple the husband does not know
who to have sex after a week the wife decieded to leave him
she told him: drive me to my parents house
on the way there they found two cats having sex loudly
she asked him :could you do that?
he said :yes piece of cake
she said :lets go home and do this
so they returned home and the wife started to get ready
with a sexy red dress and the best perfume
and told him :show me what you got
the man said:moeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Lmao batman love it

knew U woold ^^^^^^ ;)



A man is walking down the street and he sees a big neon sign that says "Ultramodern Whore House." Attracted by the novelty, he goes up to the metal door, and reads the sign over the slot. "Ultramodern Whore House - deposit fifty cents." Fascinated by the idea, he deposits his fifty cents and the door swings open. In front of him lies a long dim corridor. He walks through and finds another door with a sign: "Ultramodern Whore House - deposit one dollar." He pays, the door opens onto a red carpeted spiral staircase and he races to the top, getting more and more excited with each step. At the head of the stairs is another door with another sign: "Deposit $5." The man isn't even thinking anymore - he's so involved in the experience he doesn't pay attention to the fiver he drops in the slot - and just anticipates the opening of the door. There he sees a long corridor, with velvet wallpaper and gas lighting. He races down the corridor to the door at the end, deposits the ten dollars required, pushes open the door, and finds an even more elegant - marble - staircase. He goes down the staircase, pays the $25 to the automatic door, and when he pushes through, finds himself on the street. In front of him a big neon sign flashes, "Ultramodern Whore House - You've Just Been Screwed."

Mr Tickle wanted to marry the girl of his dreams, however Tess was reluctant to take on his surname :)

Nice




Top Gun

i dont get the joke :\