Hi, I'm going to give some stand up comments to tell you what the worst things you could hear whilst on/or traveling to your holiday desination:

1. Most of you on this safari will be wondering why I am spraying you with this BBQ spray?
2. WELCOME..... to Butlins.
3. The plane has lost all power so feel free to now use your mobile phones.
4. In case the plane gets decompressed the oxygen masks will fall from the roof in front of your blue faces.
5. From your lovely hotel room window you will see the towns ageing nuclear war facilities.
6. I know you have a restraining order out on me but I dont think that applies abroad.

I hope you like them please let me know and I will make more/find more :)

lol great stuff no 6 is best lol....

You ever get lost with your wife in the car? you're *completely* lost, and they *always* say the same thing!...
"Oh let's just go home." .....ffs..... "WE'RE ****** LOST LOVE!

My gf taught me, you may drive without a cellphone in car but not without a GPS in car.

triple xxx sometimes we just say, "where are we?" knowing that you have lost us and you say "i know where we are" and you have no idea hehehehe

right im guna make another one now this is getting out of hand lol actually i might make a few so yeah leave comments on them too :)

haha cob,

well thats because once.. We got completely lost, so we pulled over to ask the way,
But why is it that when you ask for directions you always get the village-fudging-idiot!

Wait a minute, yes I know this one....! You go down there,... turn right,...
Come to a roundabout,.... go round the roundabout,..... turn left,.....
and.... oh crap you gone totally the wrong way.....

arhhh FORGET IT!