MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!


Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

*copied from a friend's blog

What a very sad and touching tale. Love, life and death -- all there is really.

Mate, reading this takes me back to when my son was born. My wife, after giving birth had terrible complications and i nearly lost her. We had at that time already been together a while and i thought then i loved her with all my heart , but going through this made me realise, i love her with all of my sole and i tell her and my two wonderful children this every day. Marriage and parenthood are what you choose to make it and i along with many of you lovely people out there choose to make it a good one :))

:(

Damn, I would have bet on the car...

so touching in many ways ....ty for sharing

Marriage unfortunately is just a failed social experiment made by millions of people who are incapable of being fathiful or keeping simple promises. Its very ignorant in a sense that most people who get married not knowing what they want in life, but yet they decide to make the biggest commitment they will every make in life, igoring the consequences. The story is sad and disappointing, but very common. In the end I agree that the simple things and family is what really matters, but if you know those are not the things you want then dont try and pretend you are someone else, you will only be wasting time, which is priceless. I will add though, not all marriages are bad, and some actually keep promises and stay committed to each other. Just seems like marriage is not the narrative you see everywhere you go and watch on tv.

you must be a very angry bitter person, foolme, it was a very touching story, and there are also millions of people that are married, faithful, and happy, try looking at the glass half full for once

No jd, I am not. I was just stating my opinion on this story, and what I think of most marriages in genere in this generetion. This topic was adress to everyone. If you read everything I wrote you would see that I said not all marriages are like the above. Its funny you would use the word bitter though, seems everytime I state my opinion on something like this you have to try to demoralize my character because I may not have the same opinion or idea others may have. So please stop b******g, everytime I share an opinion that you may not agree on. Do you do this to everyone you dont get alone with. Bitter b***h

there is a reason i wouldnt want to be alone with you, and i think its a pretty obvious one,
(i'm sure you meant along, but your spelling not mine, lol), and i was just stating my opinion, same as you, it was such a sad, and yet somehow beautiful story, and the makings of a very nice thread, til you put in your comment, just once, would it kill you to write something positive? and pls, swear at me all you like, i would have to care about what you thought in order for that to affect me, and i stand by my earlier comment

Yes, biggest spelling mistake of my life. Plenty of nightmares to come.

oh my swearing?, and you can continue to call me names too. I also stand by my earlier comment, you are very bitter when it comes to me and you would not have reacted the way you did if anyone else would have made a comment like that. You the one made this thread about yourself. You act like you dont have the ability to Ignore.

this is a beautiful tale, don't ruin it foolme because your going through a dry spell.
some stories like this really touch peoples hearts, its incredible what some people have to go through.

lol you guys are delusional. I am ruining this thread my adding a short paragraph of my opinion?

Foolme your ruining the thread for not seeing it for what it is, its a touching tale that kinder chose to share with us, it could do without contenscious remarks. On occasion it's better to think things than it is to express them. And really, to call someone a bitter bitch (I'm sure thats what you meant) for differing in opinion, is beyond reproach.

Foolme, I spoke up for you with good heart, your posts make me sad.

I am dissappointed,

zix

The story is one to teach ethics and morals. The title is...."Letter From A Husband: When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms." At times it's simple titled, "Carry Me Out in Your Arms"

I've most often seen it in Islamic Studies, but i think it's told in many places; and a few have taken claim to it, but there is no concrete author known. It's one of those stories read in an ethics class, for discussion.

It could be said, that it's not a story to answer that marriage often does not work out. Perhaps rather; if you look deeper into something, and truly see it as you always had before...to forsake your inner truth, by the time you turn around...it may be gone from your reality.

It does indeed cross a few lines regarding the hurting of somebody that you once said vows to. One could mention that another woman in the story has nothing to do with wanting a divorce. Many people simply grow apart. However, it does give the author guilt of deceit, which entails karma befalling upon you as you have lost precious time with somebody you will no longer have the company of.

Myself, I've been married for most of my adult lifetime, my parents are still together. There aren't very many divorces in my family -at all.

This is not to say, that even if people no longer want to be together, the time they did spend...often is a very valuable thing. It doesn't take back beautiful children begotten, life lessons learned...and many pleasurable memories found.

A book has many chapters. Chapter one is not less important than chapter 10 in any given novel.

no kidding...

foolme look m8 keep yr mouth shut i dont usually react like tht but roy is a friend an for u to disrespect his thread with yr crap keep yr crappy opinions to yr self


roy this is really touching m8 an people shud take this to heart as they say the grass always looks greener (but never is)

Whelp, if you look at his statements, they are made in an open forum, open to one's opinion -if they do not name call, or say anything insulting to any one person.

(Alas, getting personal is where people tend to cross the line)


True.
Millions have proven to be incapable of not breaking the sworn vows they made unto another. Not all societies dictate monogamy...however, because of our biology....we tend to be in a conundrum.

Men are made to be fruitful, and procreate.
However, men want to make sure that they are raising *their* own children.....whereas, women do not want to share a man's valuable time and resources with children *not* her own. Here in lies the problem...and we make a choice to be ethical, and try to ignore simple biology.


Well, we are designed to bond with another person early...and therefore, we make a decision without truly knowing our own self...completely. And I think it takes a lifetime to do know ourselves, as it's a process of growing.


Well, this particular ideology...is trying to say maybe...if you don't lose your path, -although often decided early- but believe in wholeheartedly...that another person's soul matters more to you than your simple desires (back to biology) and it's not worth it being selfish.


Nothing is what we watch for entertainment purposes. People want to get lost in something beautiful....a beautiful story for a duration of time. However, I do believe most of us do not base our lives on what we take in from a produced piece of fiction.

Life is messy...but our choices to be better people, within our own confines of what we deem ethical, is the key.

So anything typed, can be debated, and not to get lost in the translation of what some people wish to take from this story.

We read/see what we want to...and should ignore what doesn't fit.
This story was designed to affect...and it truly does. Many people are going to have various opinions.

It's not what you say...it's how you say it -becomes a topic within a topic...very, very often...lol.

hmm, I guess some people only read what they want to read. I try to keep everyone opinions at equal value. You will find in most discussions I have in the fourm I will add the line in my opinion, so that I am not stating a fact but writing what I personally think, so I wont offend people. So excuse me if I got pissed off when I wrote an opinion of mine and the next thing I know jd is calling me a very angry bitter person just because we dont agree on the same thing. She was not giving her opinion, she was attacking mine.

Dani, thank you for an enlightening take on this story.

aahhhh that people would stop taking meaningful, informative, and even fun threads and use them for their personal battlegrounds. As was stated above, this is an open forum, open to people opinions. Whether one is bitter, angry, happy, or delighted, they're entitled to their opinion and others don't necessarily have to agree with them or like what they say.

Foolme's original post was not directed to anyone in particular. He simply stated his position on marriage. His opinions are his opinions and in his mind, are valid. One may not agree with them or even with how he stated it, but he's still entitled.

In reading Foolme's post I find that there is definitely some truth to what he said. However, I don't believe that
but I believe that marriage is an institution ordained by God that joins two people in a relationship that includes but is not limited to a social, intimate, emotional, spiritual, and sexual bond.

I agree that

Unfortunately, many people do enter into the sanctity of marriage self-centered, with pre-conceived ideas and expectations making satisfaction with their mate elusive. The blame game is one of the biggest destroyers of marriage, along with life trials, infidelity, and lack of a spiritual connection with one another, hence the word, soulmate.

This is merely my opinion on marriage. Kinder, thanks for a touching and inspiring story. As for me, I'm on my way up to bed to snuggle with my wonderful hubby of 30 years. Catch yall later :)

Totally uncalled for :(

very touching story kinder, such a selfless act!!!

wow kinder
sat here with my first cuppa of the morning
and saw thread title , straight away thought lol , here we go
some crazy joke thread about marrage.

well hun you got me, sat here with tears rollin
down my face , what a really moving story
thanks for sharing xxxx

Oh wauw......(*_*)

I've not been here for a while and things haven't changed much. Sometimes the most eloquent wisdom is that which one chooses not to share