A day in the life of the village called table 1

The places events and characters portrayed in this work are purely fictional any resemblance to people living or dead are purely intentional.

No New Characters

Special Guest appearance in cameo of CMWonka

Scene Last-1

The scene opens outside the village post office were stands CMtwr506 and his brother twr506 hand almost on the doorknob

twr506 wait up calls Denisey from behind .
Hello denisey says twr506 and CMtwr506 how r u today
Oh I'm fine thank you says denisey how are u two this morning?
Oh I'm fine too says twr506 while CMtwr506 says since Bobby put his prices up I've been in a sort of limbo state neither completely sober nor completely drunk its quite disconcerting.
Bev walks hurriedly up to join the group (slightly breathless) morning all, is limbo state a place in Africa CMtwr506 laughs bev
Oh how the four friends do chuckle
In the distance they hear the cry of nurseth Martha nurseth Martha wait I'll walk with you.
yes says CMtwr506 that's chip its definitely Wednesday.
Poor boy ever hopeful says denisey.
What did u think of the theme night says DocMD joining the group along with BigDegs
Well says CMtwr506 it seemed very similar to every other night
That's because says Bigdegs you came as you normally do
But that was the theme says bev "village People"
BigDegs looks exasperated and says it meant the 1970's pop group Village People
Oh that's why table 6 residents were in fancy dress costumes says den now I understand why gegs12 was dressed as a red Indian and Bento as a cowboy.
Just at that precise moment or it could have been a few seconds earlier CMHappyAli and gamester walk up to the group CMHappyAli says the village of table 4 has put in a bid for a lottery grant to build an ice skating rink, that will be great fun if they manage it.
Well says gamester why don't u village elders get together with Johnny and put in a bid for lottery money for table 1 village
What could we put in a bid for says CMtwr506
Well says CMHappyAli if the village had a Grand Tourney building we could get visitors from all over the world gathering here to play in our poker tourneys
Yes says bev go on tell us more
Well says CMHappyAli they would need accommodation and food and transport and entertainment and they would spend a lot of money here
Yes go on tell us more says den
Well says CMHappyAli we could build a new hotel and another pub and a large restaura ..... CMHappyAli stops and looks at the others faces and continues Johnny wouldn't like it would he, they all shake their heads in agreement(why they didn't do it in the village I don't know), we wouldn't like it would we says CMHappyAli, the others all shake their heads in agreement, it wouldn't be the village anymore would it she continues, they all shake their heads again in agreement, Oh! Well it was just a thought says CMHappyAli
Just then z1zu comes screetching to a stop and says hey everybody I think I know what Johnny's been up to of a night time
Well they all almost shout at him in unison(remember that means together)
Z1zu staggers under the blast from so many throats and says I think he has been sneeking off to the house of Miss Tincat for a session of naughtyness
Z1zu says bev and den almost in unison go wash your mouth out with soap and water Johnny is a real gent he would not do such a thing, the very thought of it I ask you.
You should be ashamed of yourself z1zu says CMHappyAli Johnny is not like that at all.

The small group are joined by poolshark and Forgot have you heard that the MSN gang have hit again says pool
MSN? MSN? Shouts C W arriving at that moment a frantic twitch in his left eye becoming ever more apparent
Yes says Forgot they started by hitting the village of omaha table first.
Then went on to village of tourney 1 next says dazza who arrives just at that point.
Dey followed dat by hitting der village of tourney 2 says shan who also just arrives
Following which says froggywoman in her lilting French accent they hit the village of table 6
Then went on to hit the village of table 5 calls out Krazy1 who arrived with froggywoman
After that they attacked the village of table 4 says Maltwiz arriving just behind krazy1
They went on to target the village of table 3 next called out Shellbri and Bobbybuttmunch arriving arm in arm
CMtwr506 looks in bobbybuttmunch's direction giving him a look that would shrivel up dried tomatoes
Last week they got the village of table 2 says Hovis getting out of his bread van.
The only village they have not been to then is table 1 says CMtwr506 in a horrified voice
Oh my god screams Denisey are we next.

Just then jojomacca opens the door of the post office and says twr506 have u worked out that maths problem for me yet, you know the one that calculates the percentage profit from half price fags, I'm not going for it if its less than 50%
Not quiet got the answer yet says twr506 I have written a computer program to work it out but it takes a lot of processing, I should have an answer in a couple of days.
At that precise moment a chauffer driven Daimler purrs to a stop outside of the post office and CMWonka can be seen sitting in the rear.

Why has Wonkas car stopped?
What can he want?

Both of those questions begin with a W

Don't miss the seasons finale in scene last after the news and commercial break

End scene Last-1

Beverly's Bloomers
Are pleased to announce
The RETRO night
This week's retro is 1966
(A small entrance fee will be charged to cover extra costs)


Hovis's Bakery
Is pleased to announce
The creation of a new loaf
A cross between a Bacquette and a Cottage
They call it the Bacage




Here is the news with your favourite (only) reporter
Stexpepper

Our Top Story

Ladies Night

The village of table 6 have announced that they are to have a ladies night
Free drinks and a guaranteed seat are promised to all ladies, security will be provided by CMLambarettas scooter gang a group of well hard individuals.

Well this reporter is going to put on his best dress and investigate watch this space for developments.


Sad News

Today it was reported that one of the leading stalwarts of village table 6 Bento is to retire.
A spokesperson for Bento spoke to this reporter and said Grunt GRunt grunt grunt GRunT GrunT.
What that means this reporter hasn't got a clue.
Messages from all over the village tables have been flooding in wishing Bento well and pleading with him to stay.
This reporter says it is a sad day, (wipes a tear from his eye) when good people leave.



That is the news in full
This is Stexpepper for the Village news saying goodnight

A day in the life of the village called table 1

The places events and characters portrayed in this work are purely fictional any resemblance to people living or dead are purely intentional.

No New Characters

Special Guest appearance in a speaking role of CMWonka

Scene last

The scene opens outside the village post office were stands CMtwr506 and his brother twr506, Denisey, Bev, poolshark, CW, Forgot, gamester, Ali, dazza, Shan, bobbybuttmunch, shellbri, froggywoman, krazy1, maltwiz, Hovis and jojomacca they are joined by Martha and chip and flojo all of whom stand staring at the great CMWonka who is getting out of the car.


Have you seen my umpa lumpas says CMWonka they appear to be missing.
Yes says jojomacca I was just going to tell CW I found them locked inside my post office this morning there is a deadbolt on the door and they are too small to reach it, as to why they were in there I don't know.
At that precise time the umpa lumpas (all four of them) walk out of the post office and stop in front of CMWonka.
Where have u been says CMWonka I was worried about you, get in the car and we will go back to the secret chocolate factory.
STOP says froggywoman pulling a gun out of nowhere and pointing it at the umpa lumpas, you thought I was just a French beauty continues froggywoman but in reality I am an inspector with Interpol and can reveal that the umpa lumpas not only work for CMWonka by day but also they are by night the MSN gang and I am arresting them.
STOP calls out Shan pulling out a gun from somewhere and pointing it at CMWonka u all thought of me as a typical paddy but in reality I am a chief inspector with the Guardia and can reveal that the mastermind controlling the umpa lumpas is CMWonka and I am arresting him.
STOP shouts Maltwiz pulling out a gun from somewhere and pointing it at CMWonka u all thought of me as an attaché for the Israeli Embassy but in reality I am an agent of the Israeli secret service Mossad and can reveal that that is not the real CMWonka he is wearing a rubber mask, we found Gene Wilder bound and gagged in the broom cupboard, the real mastermind behind the MSN gang is (and he leans towards CMWonka and pulls off the rubber mask) ynot12 and I am arresting him.
STOP shouts Dazza pulling out a gun from somewhere and pointing it at ynot12 u all thought of me as a retired long distance lorry driver, but in reality I am an agent of the secret service MI5 and can reveal that that is not the real ynot12 he is wearing a rubber mask, we found the real ynot12 bound and gagged in the broom cupboard, the real mastermind behind the MSN gang is (and he leans towards ynot12 and pulls off the rubber mask) gegs12 and I am arresting him.
STOP says Forgot pulling out a gun from somewhere and pointing it at gegs12 u all thought of me as an ex CEO and now a lowly caretaker, but in reality I am a Crime Examination Organiser (CEO) and can reveal that that is not the real gegs12 he is wearing a rubber mask, we found the real gegs12 bound and gagged in the broom cupboard, the real mastermind behind the MSN gang is (and he leans towards gegs12 and pulls off the rubber mask) CMTripleX and I am arresting him.
STOP says Krazy1 pulling out a gun from somewhere and pointing it at CMTripleX u all thought of me as a crazy American lady with a crush on JohnnyB, but in reality I am an agent of the CIA and can reveal that that is not the real CMTripleX he is wearing a rubber mask, we found the real CMTripleX bound and gagged in the broom cupboard, the real mastermind behind the MSN gang is (and she leans towards CMTripleX and pulls off the rubber mask) Emil and I am arresting him.
STOP says CW pulling out his truncheon and pointing it at Emil u all thought of me as a simple village policeman, but in reality I am a simple village policeman but I can reveal that that is not the real Emil he is wearing a rubber mask, I found the real Emil bound and gagged in the broom cupboard, the real mastermind behind the MSN gang is (and he leans towards Emil and pulls off the rubber mask) CMjohnn

WAKE UP Johnny WAKE UP you don't want to be late for your first ever day at school

The imagination of a 5 year old can create worlds and populate them
THE END at least until Johnny sleeps again

Oh man my sides are splitting.

That is absolutely cracking. "You thought me a simple village policeman in fact I am a simple.......", Johnny absolutely the best m8.

HAHAHA still wetting myself

thats was brilliant :)
(notice i sed that insted of dat)

lol

well dun jonny.....wens the book out?!?

mwahhhhhhhh


xXxshanxXx

lol johnny luv ur a star pmsl..wd u xx

hmmm!!!bit of police brutality comin your way johnny my man! tho did put a smile on the missus face so i thank you for that...lol

Johhnyb luv that is pure class.

I was proper laughing out loud and want to say a big thank you for entertaining us over the last couple of weeks.

So Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah from me you are a real gent.

Luv

Bev x

lmao.....you are a star my friend...lol

Well done JB. Very very good..now where the hell did I put Shellbri's phone number??

Nice one johnny lmao....

omg johnny luv it.....me with a gun is a very scarey thought......i like the crush thing better instead of a gun.......crazy american is better


luv ya my johnny

very good johnnyb dont stop writing only reason i read forum 2 get a good laugh tks a million x x

lolololoooloooo

johnny luv please hurry up with new story we are all waiting...xxxooo

nice story... you can make a book... very nice one

mom with a gun!!! johnny ur bad!!! everyone will surely get hurt now!!!

easy jess not gonna shoot nothing important lmao

krazybaby mom told me all about you. We will pay you a minimum wage to clean up after your mothers bad habits. lol

bad habits!!!!!!!!!!! hovis ur mine lmao.......i still luv ya tho.....hovis she cant do the apron thing that is mine hehehehehe

Oh man that was fun on village table tonight. I am still laughing at the thought of you pulling at your apron strings.
Now remember when serving over the counter in the village bakery, take the money first and don't let them fondle the baps.

lmao still

....

hovis u know i will not let them touch.....look dont touch lmao