A day in the life of the village called table 1
Season 2 scene 1
The places events and characters portrayed in this work are purely fictional any resemblance to people living or dead are purely intentional.
No New Characters
Scene 1 begins
The scene opens outside the village post office were stands twr506 hand almost on the doorknob
twr506 wait up calls Denisey from behind .
Hello denisey says twr506 how r u today
Oh I'm fine thank you says denisey where's that brother of yours this morning?
Oh CMtwr506 I haven't seen him since the retro night at Beverleys Bloomers says twr506 I suppose I should get worried about him.
Funny that says denisey I haven't seen bev since about the same time.I wonder where those two have gone.
Mind you says twr506 I'm only just recovering myself, I didn't realise that it was not just clothes music and food that was being retro but drinks were as well.
Yes says denisey 11pence for a pint of mild and 1shilling and tuppence for a pint of best bitter or a single spirit, was reasonable in 1966 but in 2008 it is practically giving it away.
That says twr506 is in today's money 5p for mild and 6p for best bitter or a spirit, I drank treble what I usually drink and still spent less than normal, no wonder I still feel weird.
Talking about weird says denisey I had a terrible dream last night I dreamt that the MSN gang was really the umpa lumpas and Wonka was the evil mastermind except it wasn't Wonka he was being impersonated by Ynot12 who was impersonating gegs12 who was impersonating triplex who was impersonating Emil who was impersonating Johnny who was the real bad guy.
That sounds terribly complicated says twr506 and I'm not really sure I understand just go throu.......
Twr506 stops interrupted by singing in the distance "for he's hic a jolly hic good fellowwwwwwwwww hic and so say hic all of us hic" "and so hic say hic all of ussssssssss hic from out of the pub doorway across the street comes CMtwr506 supported on unsteady legs by Bobbybuttmunch and Beverley supported by Shellbri the two of them singing there hearts out.
I just found them in the cellar says bobby passed out cold must have been there since Saturday night's retro evening.
Will you two take them home and put them in their beds says Shellbri they stink of booze and need to sleep this one off.
Thhhaasss rit hic says CMtwr506 Booobbyy your hic a marvi no (shakes head) marfi no (shakes head again) a good bloke
Thhasst cort no (shakes head) hic corn no (shakes head) rite hic and we hic burp luvvvvvvvv u lotss burp says bev
The two are taken away by twr506 and denisey still singing as they stagger "4 hiss burp a jolly phurbb good fellow hic burp"
I wonder were bev got that pink sparkerly hat from says Bobby
In the distance they hear the cry of nurseth Martha nurseth Martha wait I'll walk with you.
Arrgghh says Shellbri young chip now I know it must be Wednesday.
Poor boy ever hopeful says Bobby
Just then Poolshark appears from behind the corner and walks towards bobby
Morning bobby says pool that retro night must have cost you a very pretty packet it was practically giving the booze away
That's my worry says bobby and it doesn't cost as much as u might think , anyway can u get me those fags or not.
I might know some 1 who knows some1 who know some1 who can get them at half price says pool.
That means says bobby u get them at 60-70% discount and pass them onto me at 50% keeping 10 -20% for yourself.
If you don't want them says pool in a hurt tone of voice
Calm down calm down says bobby that's ok that's free enterprise I admire that get me as many as you can.
The two see CW walking down the road towards them I'm off says pool turning smartly and walking away in the opposite direction
Morning bobby says CW that was poolshark you were talking to I wouldn't get friendly with him he is the village black sheep I have been after him for years now he always manages to elude my grasp but I'll get him eventually.
Morning constable CW says bobby I like him he's fun to talk to anyway I thought you had enough trouble with the MSN gang
A violent twitch starts in CW's left eye I think I'll go to the office and do some paperwork says CW and of he walks.
Bobby and Shellbri go inside Beverly's Bloomers just as z1zu comes squealing down the high street on his bread deliver bike front wheel up in the air and pedalling like mad spins to a stop in a cloud of dust right outside of the Beauty Emporium, followed closely by hovis in his van.
By heck z1zu says hovis you can get some speed out of that thing your little legs must be well tired
Z1zu looks pleased and says I'm setting new speed records on the bread delivery routes every day.
Yes says hovis I've been meaning to speak to you about that, speed is good but the customers would prefer u to knock and hand them the bread, rather than have it thrown through their windows especially when the window is closed its cost me a pretty penny in broken glass bills.
Oh says z1zu I never fort of that, I guess I wont be setting any more records then.
The two are joined by Ali who as always is closely followed by gamester
Good morning hovis and z1zu says Ali I'm going to open up early so as I can have a cup of tea before the customers arrive, would you two like a cup
Yes please says both hovis and z1zu in unison(remember that means together at the same time)
The four go into the beauty emporium
Across the road inside of Beverly's Bloomers bobby watches the group through the window
And turns to Shellbri and says well that's the start of it darlin I guess we had better put an advert in the village news about Saturday, what shall we do
Shellbri looks at bobby and says what about the Roaring Twenties they could all dress as gangsters or molls we could serve booze in teapots like in America during the prohibition
Has any 1 remembered johnny's late night walks
Each 1 a different route
Those two lines begin with an H and an E
Scene 1 Ends
Beverly's Bloomers
This Saturday's theme is
THE ROARING TWENTIES
Gangsters and Molls
(A small entrance fee will be charged to cover extra costs)
Hovis's Bakery
Announce the creation of a new confectionery
A cross between a cream bun and carrot cake
We call it "bun in the oven" or "Bito" for short
To place your order
Tel: - Village 666
Here is the news with your favourite (only) reporter
Stexpepper
Our Top Story
Village Council Meet
Yes this reporter can inform you that the village council will meet soon to decide upon renaming the Village of Table 1
Village Council Chairman CMtwr506 gave this reporter an exclusive quote
"we the village elders will meet to decide upon a name"
This reporter believes we should all have our say in this important matter and implores you to canvas your village elder and inform him/her of your preference.
I list the elders below
Chairperson CMtwr506
Vice-Chairperson Denisey
Elder for the under 16's Beverly
Elder for the 16's – 50's twr506
Elder for the over 50's jockney
Elder for the W.I. Hovis
Our other stories tonight
The Fishbone Trail
Yes the trail of fishbones between the villages of table 1 and table 6 are being cleaned up every day (thanks mainly to young chip) but mysteriously re-appear during the night.
Constable CW when asked to comment said "there is definitely something going on here"
This is one reporter who thinks that there is definitely something going on here and I for one will continue to pursue this story.
That is the news in full
This is Stexpepper for the Village news saying goodnight |
