A day in the life of the village called table 1
Season 2 scene 2
The places events and characters portrayed in this work are purely fictional any resemblance to people living or dead are purely intentional.
New Characters
SuperKen – a rather lean youngish chap of about mid 20's to very early 30's with a pleasant personality and a keen ready wit works as a delivery truck driver and as such has a lot in common with dazza, the two of them can often be found at the bar talking over truck differentials or some such.
Krazy1zbaby – known affectionately as baby by the villagers she is the pretty petite daughter of Krazy1, she has spent the previous 6 months backpacking around Europe with a young Danish girl called yschi the two of them arrived in the village during the last few days
Yschi – a petite very pretty dark haired Danish girl who teamed up with krazy1zbaby to explore Europe
Scene 2 begins
The scene opens outside the village post office were stands twr506 hand almost on the doorknob
twr506 wait up calls Denisey from behind .
Hello denisey says twr506 how r u today
Oh I'm fine thank you says denisey where's that brother of yours this morning?
Coming slowly up behind you denisey says CMtwr506 my head is still throbbing from the e1920's night all those machine guns blasting away.
Of course nothing to do with the amount of drink you had sniggers twr506 to his brother
CMtwr506 turns angrily to his brother and says where you coming from little brother
From mummy's tummy says twr506 in a smug sounding voice
Beverley who joins the group at that exact moment (slightly breathless) laughs and says good one twr506 mummy's tummy oh I like that
The four friends see the funny side of the moment and collapse in a heap laughing.
In the distance they hear the cry of nurseth Martha nurseth Martha wait I'll walk with you.
Arrgghh says CMtwr506 young chip now I know it must be Wednesday.
Poor boy ever hopeful says denisey
The post office door opens and out looks jojomacca and says hey twr506 have you worked out that problem for me yet.
Yes says twr506 it is exactly 50% jojo
Oh good says jojomacca I shall get after poolshark and tell him yes 50% hey that's good 50% hehe and he goes back inside leaving the door ajar.(why the door would want a jar I'm not really sure)
Just then a delivery truck pulls up outside of the pub and ken gets out, morning all he says to the friends
Morning ken they respond in unison (remember that means together)
What are you delivering today says Beverly ever the nosey 1 the four friends wait expectantly
Oh its crisps and snacks today says ken I shall probably finish by 3 o'clock would you four fancy a game of poker then
Now that's a good idea says denisey ever ready to hone her poker playing skills
If we make it 3:30 says ken we can still use the school hall as the children would have gone home by then.
3:30 school hall it is then say the friends.
From around the corner comes baby and yschi hello says baby to the four friends have you seen mum this morning. The four reply in the negative (that's a posh way of saying they said no)
Just at that time from 1 end of the village comes Krazy1 stepping purposely towards the group a wild glint in her eye.
And from the opposite end comes HappyAli singing as she walks lalala la lalalala lala
The two women stop only a few yards apart and stand glaring at each other
KK says Krazy1 it's agreed that the situation can not go on as it is.
Agreed says HappyAli I love Johnny but I need gamester and I can not share Johnny with you
And I says krazy1 love Johnny and will not share him with you
so its an impasse says krazy1
yes says HappyAli
any last messages fro any1 you want to leave says krazy1 to HappyAli
HappyAli drapes her left hand palm out across her forehead and places her right hand on her heaving breast (that got CMtwr's attention I bet) and says Johnny my only true love its for our sake I do this thing oh my Johnny forgive me I can't help myself I'm so attracted to gamester (another Oscar nomination performance) and yet my love ffor you is strong if only you would talk to me in caps more often, our love would never be broken.
The small group growing larger by the minute with the arrival from out of Beverly's Bloomers of Bobby, Shellbri, ken and BigDegs and from the direction of the school flojo and CW, all stand open mouthed waiting tensely for whatever was about to happen.
In the distance a voice could be heard faintly singing "Oh the things I see when I'm cleaning windows"
After a few seconds are allowed to go by, for the tension to build to a crashing crescendo
Krazy1 says ok that's a fine performance but have you seen my bunny boiler impression I can do the mad psychotic act very well indeed (her eyes bulging and her face red) you do not want to see me mad I can assure you.(oscar nomination for mad supporting actress role) you don't. With saying that krazy1 pulls a gun out of who knows where and points it at HappyAli
Baby screams "mum with a gun" "look out world some ones going to get hurt".
Yschi says I want to talk about this I don't understand what's happening
Ken says blooming heck
BigDegs says oh my god
Flojo screams nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not in front of the children
At the same time or possibly a little bit later HappyAli also pulls a gun from some where and points it at krazy1.
The crowd gasp collectively ( that means as one )
Now then now then says CW I'm not having gunplay here in my jurisdiction and with that he steps between the two feuding women just as they both pull the trigger..............................
A stream red paint comes from HappyAli's water pistol catching CW on the right side of his torso (a posh word for body) and a stream of yellow paint comes from krazy1's water pistol catching CW on his left side.
The small crowd collapses in laughter seeing CW all yellow and red and spluttering indignantly, the twitch in his left eye becoming more pronounced
While krazy1 and HappyAli stand muttering apologies to CW
Poor CW says flojo that's a rotten thing to happen to any 1
It could have been worse says bobby why I remember when I was in SA duffying w.........
Twr560 says is that really the time I must get on
Yes say the four friends
I've got things that need doing says BigDegs
I'd better go with mum says baby
I'm with you says yschi
The crowd quickly disperses
Shellbri laughing says well bobby you sure know how to clear a crowd ha ha he he
Bobby turns to Shellbri and says well darlin I guess we had better put an advert in the village news about Saturday, what shall we do this week
Shellbri looks at bobby and says after that performance there is only one option a Wet T Shirt Competition.
Is any 1 bothered where johnny is going
Shall we ever find out
Those two lines begin with an I and an S
Scene 2 Ends
Beverly's Bloomers
This Saturday's theme is
A Wet T Shirt Competition
(A small entrance fee will be charged to cover extra costs)
Hovis's Bakery
Reluctantly announce a price increase
which has been forced upon them
by a shortage of wheat and yeast
a loaf will increase by 10p and cakes by 20p
To place your order
Tel: - Village 666
Here is the news with your favourite (only) reporter
Stexpepper
Our Top Story
JohnnyB goes Walkies
This reporter has picked up a disturbing piece of news JohnnyB goes out late each night taking a different route each time and goes no one knows where.
He is always home in the morning and doesn't appear tired from his wanderings, but no one knows were he is going or what he does when he gets there and nobody is going to ask.
However this reporter gives you his pledge that he will get to the bottom of this mystery.
Our other stories tonight
Wheat and Yeast shortage
This reporter can reveal that a person or persons unknown have been buying up all of the available stocks of wheat and yeast, causing shortages and forcing local bakers to increase their prices.
A spokesperson for hovis said
"we are forced to increase our prices because of the shortages"
The Fish trail continues
Police are no further forward in finding the culprit(s) of this heinous crime
Constable CW was unavailable for comment due to a painting problem
A professional dealer for Saturday night
It has been announced that Johnny ahs engaged the services of a professional dealer for the Saturday night poker game.
This reporter will reserve judgement on that decision till events unfold
Village PC Hero
It was announced today that for putting himself between two armed antagonists constable CW is to be awarded a medal the Bravery Under Real Conditions also known as the BURC
That is the news in full
This is Stexpepper for the Village news saying goodnight. |
