A large collection of Fish jokes gathered from the four corners of the internet.
Noah started building several arks for various parts of animal kingdom. One was a split level job for all the fish – a multi-storey carp ark
What do you call a fish with no eyes?...Fsh
How do fish go into business?...They start on a small scale
A fish swam into a wall and said, "Dam!"
Why are fish so smart?...They are always in schools
Which fish go to heaven when they die?...Angelfish
What bit of fish doesn't make sense?,..the piece of cod that passeth all understanding
What kind of money do fishermen make?...Net profits
What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird's leg and a hand?...Birdsthigh fish fingers
Two parrots sitting on a perch...the first one says to the other "can you smell fish?"
What TV game show do fish like best?...Name that tuna
Where do fish wash?...In a river basin
What do you call a literary fish?...Salmon Rushdie
What part of a fish weighs the most?...It's scales
What fish do road-menders use?...Pneumatic krill
What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?...A fish tank
Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea?...Jack the kipper
What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend?...'Your plaice or mine'
Where does seaweed look for a job?...In the 'Kelp-wanted' ads
Why is a fish easy to weigh?...Because it has its own scales
What's the difference between a newspaper and a TV set?...You can't wrap your fish and chips in a TV set
What do naked fish play with?...Bare-a-cudas
Why are fish cleverer than humans?...Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?
What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd?...He called the piano tuna
Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear?...Because they have electric 'eels
What day of the week do fish hate?...Frydays
What was the name of Tom Sawyer's fish?...Huckleberry Fin
Why are gold fish orange?...The water makes them rusty
What will santa bring your fish this christmas?...A scale letrix
What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish?...Tsardines
The fish cam is looking great
http://is.gd/rae9Isn't life just a burp?
Have you seen the active volcano yet?
http://is.gd/rae9When the lights goes off the infra red camera kicks in
http://is.gd/rae9The guppies are getting very friendly with each other
http://is.gd/rae9It's not what you feel that matters, it's who you touch
Both webcams monitoring the fish are running well
http://is.gd/rae9Burp the Frog
http://is.gd/rae9Burpppppppp oops
http://is.gd/rae9Underwater Snail racing, the new Olympic sport
http://is.gd/rae9What did the sardine call the submarine?...A can of people
What's the difference between a fish and a piano?...You can't tuna fish
What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?...A beer-a-cuda
Why do penguins eat fish?...Because donuts get soggy before they can catch them.
Where do some of the parts for a fish come from?...Finland
Why did the dog jump into the sea?...He wanted to chase the catfish
Which fish dresses the best?...The Swordfish – It always looks sharp
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?...Monkfish
What kind of fish will help you hear better?...A herring aid
What do romantic fish sing to each other?...Salmon-chanted evening
What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse?...The Codfather
Why is a swordfish's nose 11 inches long?...If it were 12 inches long it would be a foot
Which fish can perform operations?...A Sturgeon
What's a sea serpent's favourite meal?...Fish and ships
Where do fish wash?...In a river basin
Why are fish so gullible?...They fall for things hook, line and sinker
Where do little fishes go every morning?...To plaice school
what sea creatures would you bet on in a fight?...Mussels, they always win!
What fish goes up the river at 100mph?...A motor pike
How do you communicate with a fish?...You drop it a line
1st kipper: 'Smoking's bad for you'...2nd kipper: 'It's OK, I've been cured'
What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather?...Skate
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?...Drop it a line
What puts white lines on the ocean?...Ocean liners
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?...A seahorse
Where are most fish found?...Between the head and the tail
What do fish sing to each other?...Salmon-chanted evening
What fish sounds like a telephone?...Herring, herring...herring, herring...
How do you tune a fish?...With its scales
What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment?...A flat fish
What fish is the most valuable?...A goldfish.
What's the best way to catch a fish?...Have someone throw it at you.
What sea animal can be adjusted to play music?...The tune-a fish
How did the fish's tail get stuck in the anchor chain?...It was just a fluke
What is purple and lives in the sea and weighs 5000 pounds?...Moby Plum
Why are manatees so wrinkled?...Did you ever tried to iron one?
Why are fish no good at tennis?...They don't like to get too close to the net
Why did the optician go ice fishing?...He had perfect ice sight
There was an awful fight at the seafood restaurant...Four fish got battered
What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes?...A nervous wreck
What do you call a man with a large flatfish on his head?...Ray
What side of a fish has the most scales?...The outside
How do you post a fish?...You send it COD ... or first bass mail
What do you use to cut the ocean?...A seasaw
Where do you go to meet the best fish?...It doesn't matter – any old plaice will do
What kind of a fish does your Parrot sit on?...A Perch
Why should you use six hooks on your fishing line?...eFISHancy
What is a knight's favourite fish?...A swordfish
What fish is best to have in a boat?...A Sailfish
How do you get around fast on the bottom of the sea?...Skates
How does a group of dolphin's make a decision?...Flipper coin
Why did the dolphin feel crabby?...Because he ate too many crabs
Does a dolphin ever do something by accident?...No, they do everything on porpoise
What is a dolphin's favorite TV show?...Whale of fortune
How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?...He prawned everything
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?...Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!
What did Cinderella Dolphin wear to the ball?...Glass flippers
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way?...He whale-d
How do the fish get to school?...By octobus
Who held the baby octopus to ransom?...Squidnappers
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus ?...I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand
How does an octopus go to war?...Well-armed
Who robs banks and squirts ink?...Billy the Squid
What fish make the best sandwich?...A peanut butter and jellyfish
What happened to the cold jellyfish?...It set
How can you tell if two octuspus' are lovers?...They walk arm in arm in arm in arm...
What do you call a neurotic octopus?...A crazy, mixed-up squid
How do you stop a fish from smelling?...Cut its nose off
What is the fastest fish in the sea?...Go-carp
What did one rock pool say to the other rock pool?...Show me your mussels
How do you kiss a pike?...Very carefully
What has big sharp teeth, a tail, scales, and a trunk?...A pike going on holiday
Why did the salmon cross the road?...Because it was tied to the chicken
Man: Can I have a fly rod and reel for my son?...Fishing Shop Owner: Sorry sir we don't do trades
How do I avoid infection from biting insects?...That's easy – don't bite them
Where do you find a crab with no legs?...Exactly where you left it
What do you get if you cross a whale with a computer?...A four ton know it all
Why did the fish blush?...Because it saw the sea weed
What should you do if you find a shark in your bed?...Sleep somewhere else
What do you call a Shark with a rocket launcher?...Anything he tells you to
What do you call a deaf pike...Anything you like, he cannot hear you
How do you stick down an envelope under the water?...With a seal
What can fly under the water?...A bluebottle in a submarine
What do you give a seasick whale?...Lots of room
Mother: Have you given the fish fresh water today?...Son: No, they haven't drank yesterdays
What whizzes along a riverbed on three wheels?...A motor-Pike and a side-Carp
Where do fish keep their money?...In the river bank
how many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?...Fish
Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says "You drive, I'll man the guns!"
What is the fastest fish in the sea?...The one that got away
Why did the plaice go to the doctor?...Because he was feeling a bit flat!
What do you call someone who is good at catching fish?...Annette
Why did the fish cross the road?...It was the chicken's day off
What is an eel's favorite dance?...The conger
Why couldn't the clownfish afford a house?...Because he didn't have anemone
Where do fish go to borrow money?...A loan shark
Where do fish put their rubbish?...In a Whaleie bin
Where do baby fish go every morning?...To plaiceschool
What does a fish wrap round its shoulders to keep warm?...A shoal
What happens to sleepy fish at the edge of a reef?...They drop off
Which sea creatures come calling at Christmas?...Coral singers
Which fish can perform operations?...A sturgeon
What games do fish like playing the most?...Bass the parcel, Name that tuna, and Tide and seek
Why do fish like arcade games?...Because they are finball wizards
What do you call a fish with two eyes?...FIISH
Why is a fishmonger never generous?...Because his business makes him sell-fish
John asks the angler: Is this river any good for
Page 70 of 217: «« 1 2 ... 68 69 71 72 ... 216 217 »» 